i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
