Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
