hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
