Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
