I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
