i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
