I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
