god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
