i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
