I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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