i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize