I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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