That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize