Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you win again, gameday.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
