yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
