Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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