Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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