hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
