hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
nutella sex= disaster
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
