He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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