At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
