Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
