I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
