I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
