We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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