and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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