My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Randomize
