I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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