Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
