I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I intend to get homeless drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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