so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
