so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
