Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
