when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
