She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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