i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
