just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
sarcasm needs its own font
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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