Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
