mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
