Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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