wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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