When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
