How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize