News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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