Your face is a jimmy john
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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