Banned from zoo.
Again?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
