He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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