sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
