So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
