so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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