Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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