No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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