Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
