I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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