i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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