dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
