You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
