I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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