Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
