I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i believe in u and ur pee
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
