P.S. I can't hear my feet
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
