My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize