My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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