An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
