the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
