Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
