i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
MIDGETS
????
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
