Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
